44-year-old lives with dad rent-free, dad flips out when he charges him $2000 to paint his house: 'He has run out of money and is scrambling to find a job'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 31, 2026 3:15 PM EDT

When you're living with someone rent-free, it takes a lot of audacity to charge them for the work you do.

Living with somebody rent-free is a huge favor that they're doing for you, even if it's family. Housing is incredibly difficult to come by these days, and everything is more expensive than it once was. A lot of people are having a hard time making it on their own, and there's nothing to be ashamed of in that. If you have to move back with your parents, then so be it. It can be very hard to make it on your own, even as an adult. But when you're doing that, you have to be aware of your own position in the relationship. Even if you're just a guest and somebody's home, there are certain things you should do to make their life a little bit easier. 

Advertisement
  • An adult son talks his father through something looking at a tablet
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Licensed media provided as editorial context.


    An adult son talks his father through something looking at a tablet

  • Why I should pay my 44 years old son to paint the inside of my 1200 sq ft. house when he, his girlfriend and his daughter have lived with me for free since August 2025?

    Bare bones situation: I offered to have my son and granddaughter move in with me in August 2025 so my son could save money. He's a single dad and has my granddaughter 50% of the time. He had a full time job making about $80k a year. There was no expectation of him paying me a penny for the arrangement. I furnish everything. All utilities, food and even down to toiletries.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • In November 2025 his girlfriend moved in. I welcomed her. She is a very nice lady (47yo) but due to her neurodivergence issues she does not work. I knew this going. in. In February my son was fired from his job. My son was enraged and instead of getting another job has been trying to start several Al-based businesses so he never again has to work for anyone.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • In the summer he did some work to the 1200 sq ft house to remove the carpets, lay LVP and paint (both his girlfriend and my granddaughter are allergic to cats and there are 4 of them in my home). I paid for all materials.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846

  • You should offer to cook them a meal, or buy them a dinner out, and you should make as little mess as possible, and definitely clean up after yourself when you go. The rules are a little bit slipperier when you are living with family, but the rules of being a good guest still apply. If you're living somewhere rent-free, it's probably a good idea to help out where you can in other areas. Maybe you cook and clean for the person who is putting you up. Maybe you offer to do some housework around the house if you're good at that kind of thing. The son in the story didn't quite understand that principle, and it was rubbing his dad the wrong way. Even with your own parents, you only have so much Goodwill to spend. You don't want to burn it all up and be left in a relationship that is fueled by resentment. 

  • Last night he told me that he had expected me to pay him for his labor at the greatly reduced rate of $2,000. I was shocked. He has run out of money and is scrambling to find a job but the best offer he has so far is $20 an hour. The Al businesses are bringing in almost no money and he's waited until his back is against a wall to try to find paid work. He knows I'm comfortable money wise and has the money to pay him but why would I do that?
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • There was a very ugly argument and in the end I wrote him a $2k check with the condition that he never ask me for another penny of money. Am I the a hole for not seeing why I should pay him to do work in a house that he and his entire family live in completely free?
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • Own_Chips NTA. As a single dad myself who had to move back in with my parents at 32, I can't imagine having the audacity to charge them. My dad let me, my son, and at one point my girlfriend stay. rent-free for 8 months. I painted the whole house,
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • fixed the deck, did the plumbing BECAUSE I WAS GRATEFUL. I wanted to contribute something since I couldn't pay rent. Your son has it twisted - he thinks living there for free is the baseline and labor should be extra. No, his labor WAS the rent. You are the opposite of an a hole. He needs to grow up fast, he has a daughter watching.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • A father and his son go over finances while looking at a tablet in a cafe
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


    A father and his son go over finances while looking at a tablet in a cafe

  • That's what was threatening to happen here, because the son was unwilling to recognize his own position in the ecosystem of the home. He was having a hard time, looking for work, and needed a little bit of support from his family. But instead of being upfront about that, and grateful for the help that he was already getting, he asked for more and more. Understandably, his father was getting tired of having to constantly deal with that. So things came to a head when some housework was being done, and it came to a question of who was going to pay for it. It's not easy to deal with family, especially when it comes to money. It can shake even the strongest relationships. That's what was being tested here, in the story between a father and his adult son. Sometimes your patience just wears out a little bit, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just a question of how to move forward after that. 

  • LongjumpingSkill9305 Why did you give him anything? Remind him he is free to leave your house at any time.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • pittbiomed NTA he should be paying rent by now as well
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • Brief-Assumption 9068 I think your son needs to find a new place to live or this is going to get worse for you. You've already shown him he can bu y you into doing what you don't want to do. He moved in, moved in his girlfriend all on the premise he'd save money. He lost his job and has done nothing substantive to fix it. You're taking care of two adult full time. You're doing him no favors.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • hidrapit You should have calculated up how much he's saved in rent and presented him with a counter offer. NTA, he needs to move.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846
  • Thaneriel NTA. The floor project was done specifically because his family couldn't handle the cat dander in the house you let them live in for free. You paid for all the materials, covered every single living expense for three people for over a year, and he has the audacity to invoice you when his Al gmble fails? You've been wildly generous, and he is taking advantage of you.
    via u/Cultural_Tap9846

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama neighbors drama living together adulting family adult children apartment
Scroll Down For The Next Article